One last interesting aspect.

One topic in the book that I wanted to discuss further was the section about Interview Questions. I found this section to be particularly enlightening as it provided a different perspective on interviewing than I’ve had privy to in the past. The idea that the interview questions can be multi-faceted, where you’re discussing not only the organization, but additional items such as: the goals of the company, management style, or training programs. Upon reflection this, of course, makes sense because an interviews purpose is not only to allow the manager to become familiar with the applicant, but also allows the applicant to familiarize themselves with the inner workings of the company. There could be a very distinct management style at the company that the applicant is unfamiliar with, or perhaps the management style is more micro-managing than the applicant wants to deal with. The organizational culture should also greatly factor into an applicant, or managers perspective when conducting an interview. Will the individual mesh well with the other employees? Will there be conflicts? Understanding not only the applicant’s familiarity but also comfort ability will make for a much better working relationship for all parties involved.

Interesting Concepts

The concepts I found most interesting those concepts that I could apply directly to my personal life. This may seem somewhat self-centered, but I don’t have all that much reason or purpose to apply other concepts that the book discussed. The intercultural communication concepts were of great interest and I’m sure that I learned a lot, and will be better able to apply those concepts in a real-world scenario. I just don’t have a significant amount of friends from many distinct cultures. The concepts about communicating better with peers, or in a work environment were also very useful to me. I found that I was also able to apply these concepts to enhance my communication style at my workplace. The most interesting to me, by a far margin, are the interpersonal concepts. Especially the concepts relating to relationships and how to understand and improve communication between partners. I found that I’ve been able to communicate much more comprehensively and also understand when I’m not communicating very effectively.

Research Methodology

The method of most interest to me was the unobtrusive method. I found this method of research interesting because it initially struck me as a bit off from what I considered to be normal research. I normally consider research to be asking questions of people, looking through books or manuscripts. I guess the observation of the impact, measurements of erosion, or evaluating which communication methods are more popular would also fall into the category of a voiceless audience which this method of research seems to epitomize. Another aspect of this method of research that I found interesting is that it could also be a falsely built framework of understanding. If one considered the prevalence of a message to be popular, or more accurate, then the group with the largest printing press would always win. This seems a bit counter intuitive to me, as sometimes the more meaningful messages are those of the smaller variety. This can happen when the groups or individuals who have a large influence disagree or are attempting to suppress the message. There are a great many examples of this, the book burning done during the World Wars, or a political candidate who is unable to obtain airtime because he cannot afford the outrageous prices set by the news networks are a couple of these examples.

Message is the Medium

I’m not sure that I personally agree with the idea that the medium is the message. This statement implies that the way a message is conveyed is just as important as the message itself. I disagree with this idea on a philosophical level. If the message is important enough, or if it’s meaning stands the test of time, and still has a heavy impact generation after generation, then the message itself stands apart from the medium. I mean that the message will be conveyed via many varied and different mediums over time. For example, religious ideas stem originally from manuscripts, texts, or the Bible. This message is the further expanded upon via sermons from preachers, priests, etc. Outside of religious circles, there has been a common theme among academia that teachers teach students. This started out in one-on-one learning, followed by classrooms, and now online classes and curriculums exist. All of this isn’t to say that the medium isn’t important in its own right. Often the medium used to convey a message is very important. For example, using the online class situation, the class needs to be structured in such a way that the class material will be conveyed in a pragmatic, meaningful, and understandable way. Presenting material through a lecture format may not be the best format when teaching an online course.

Online Relationships

I’ve had the occasional friend in cyberspace. They relationship dynamic is quite a bit different and in my opinion much more difficult to manage. Most of my relationships online were simple friendships with people in online games that we were both playing at the time. The chances that these friendships were strong enough to survive the distance between us, or how different the communication channels can be was very unlikely from my experiences. The difficulty for me is maintaining long distance relationships at all. The online communications tend to be a little bit more difficult to manage also as the tone of a message is often more difficult to convey with the written word alone. The use of emoticons or other visual keys to lend emphasis (e.g. *hints*) to the conversation are very prevalent. I tended to attempt to stay away from acronyms as the meaning can change based upon not only the context of the conversation but also the geographic location, and the society of the participants. For example, some of the acronyms I used were very localized to my society at the time, and while my friends were tolerant of certain misunderstandings, there was the misunderstanding to begin with. The online friendships take a lot more for me to maintain, as I have to spend much more time communicating rather than being in the same physical location. Being in the same space as your friends allows your actions to speak for you. This cannot be achieved with online relationships.

Interesting Section

The book section on mobile technology was of particular interest to me. I find that oftentimes when I’m commuting to work, I’m able to catch up on a majority of my outstanding phone calls. Prior to having this somewhat long commute, I found it sometimes difficult to find an appropriate time to dedicate towards making my phone calls. There are so many things that our society is now asking of us that it’s not surprising that the social ramifications towards communications has been adjusting recently. Making phone calls, taking phone calls, or instant messaging makes social situations very touch and go. Is it okay to pick up the phone when you’re at a meeting? The business aspect of this is additionally compounded by management having the perception that they can do whatever they want. Why this seems to be acceptable to me is very discomfiting. This combined with businesses giving employees a business mobile phone has led to the perception that the employees should be accessible at all hours of the day, evening and weekend. 

Environmental Considerations

Organizations are very closely tied to the environment. The businesses are dependent upon the local community for their employee base, and they need to take into consideration the societal influences. If the local community tends to lean towards a certain ethical, religious, or other mix then it would behoove the business from keeping that in consideration when making decisions. The relationship between the school I attend and the city it is located in also has a very tight knit effect on what kind of mentality the college will attract. If the college is looking to attract a certain type of demographic, political perspective, or cultural influence and the local community doesn’t support those types of people, then it’s obvious that the college should focus its incoming student populace on out-of-town attendees. The college has some ethical obligations to the local community. The most basic being that if the local community doesn’t appreciate how the college is managing their student population, this could lead to strained relations with businesses, police, or other community organizations. 

Etiquette

The etiquette rules in the text are pretty common knowledge concepts for the younger generations if they actually take the time to think about how their actions might be perceived. Taking into consideration those who you are communicating with, who might overhear, or see the message your sending should be almost as much of a concern as the message itself. I’ve not really been bothered too much by electronic devices. If I felt that there was someone I was interacting with who was using an electronic device inappropriately and hindering my work, or my communication, I would simply notify them of this and expect them to behave appropriately from then on. If they continued to act in a disrespectful manner, then I would ask them to leave the meeting, or excuse myself. Call waiting is one of those necessary evils for communicating in today’s society. Are there people who can abuse this? Sure, those people who typically forget that they do have someone holding on the other line, or again, who do not take into consideration the other person. If the person is going to be waiting on hold for a long period of time, communicate that with them, if they feel that it’s rude they will likely tell you this. 

Telecommuting

Being a programmer I’m always curious about how people utilize technology to improve their lives. The section in the book about Organizational Technology was very interesting to me. I have had intermittent success with telecommuting for my primary job at an established company. Typically, I’ve found with well-established management styles in the western states that management frowns upon the idea of telecommuting. Personally, I feel that this primarily stems from either not trusting your employees to do their work without direct constant supervision, which in itself if loaded with fallacies. Additionally, I believe that this also stems from our environment, where there typically aren’t very many good reasons why an employee is unable to make it into a shared workplace. I have this perspective from having my direct supervisor located in the mid-west as well as on the east coast. Apart from the west coast, there are more severe weather conditions that physically prevent people from commuting safely into work, and they are very much more open-minded about the concept of telecommuting. It is very much an unfortunate condition of telecommuting however, that it is currently reasonably difficult for non-technical people to coordinate meetings, teams, or project work over these distances. On the other hand, for technical people, this limitation is very minute.

Relationships: Romantic or otherwise...

I had to spend a lot of time thinking about how best to write this posting as I don’t want to come across as being too judgmental or hyper-critical. The filters that I tend to use when evaluating people as romantic partners tend to consist of the following: I have to be attracted to them physically and mentally; I have to be able to spend a lot of time with them; I have to have a reasonable amount of physical contact on a regular basis; and I have to be able to envision a future with this person. There is a point of clarification I want to make about those previous items. By attractiveness, I do not mean the typical physical beauty. I mean that my body must be chemically or emotionally stimulated by the person. There is some degree of physical beauty that factors in, as there always is, but I often feel the need to clarify the difference in my perspective between attractiveness and physical beauty. Reading Duck’s theory did make sense, although there were points that I felt it was a bit broad sweeping in its descriptions. I had to take some time to think about it applying to all relationships, rather than the friendships or romantic relationships, before this started to make more sense. I would find it hard to believe that someone has not eliminated someone based upon a sociological or pre-interaction cue and then reconsider them. This is part of human nature. We all pre-judge to some degree and those judgments color our perspectives whether this is done on a conscious or a sub-conscious level.

Communication Patterns

Personally, I feel that the submissive symmetry pattern would be the most difficult to change. This pattern gives me the impression that both people would have a difficult time not only identifying that they are constantly in control, but also in identifying when it is appropriate to be in control, and when not to be in control of a situation or conversation. Using the example in the book of deciding where to eat, I would imagine that most of these conversations end in a less than exciting dining experience when a place is simply chosen out of frustration and not through any real desire to have that type of food, or go to a favorite restaurant. Perhaps the most damaging to a relationship is the competitive symmetry system. I could see this pattern working well where the boundaries of competitiveness are clearly understood by both parties. Otherwise, I could see this pattern leading to a constant flux of dominance or superiority by one party while the other party constantly feels undervalued, or submissive and weak. Regarding the pattern most damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals, however, I feel that it is the submissive symmetry where both parties struggle to relinquish control. The context of a relationship is important in this example, as part of the defining elements to a relationship is that to some degree there is a care towards the other’s opinions, thoughts, and emotions. If both parties are struggling with themselves, as well as constantly attempting to satisfy the other’s needs, this could lead to some very difficult relationship terrain to navigate through.

Chapter 6 Interesting Concept

Becoming a more esponsible Communicator

My fiancé and I spend a lot of time talking, analyzing and discussing how we communicate. I think to a certain extent this is partly due to being enrolled in this class, but either way, doing this has greatly helped with our relationship. The section of the book that talks about becoming a more responsible communicator really brought into focus and helped to clarify the overall goals that my fiancé and I have been striving for. When emotions and tensions are high, I’ve found that I’m not often the best at communicating. Being able to help review what I’m about to say has helped immeasurably. But oftentimes, I found myself wondering how best to evaluate what it was that I wanted to say, and how to adjust what my initial thoughts are into a more meaningful message. The questions in the four-way test were very interesting to read. Is it the truth? This one can often be colored by personal perspective, or impressions. Is it fair to all concerned? Sometimes it might not be, and that’s okay, as long as you think about it and understand that. Will is build goodwill and better friendships? In a conversation with someone you’re in a relationship with, I believe this should almost always be a priority. Will it be beneficial to all concerned? Again, perhaps not, but understanding whether it is or not will be very helpful. All in all, I found that I read this part of the chapter very quickly because it applied very well to my current ways of communicating.

Confusing Concept...

The most interesting section of the book was the section covering Object Language. This section initially caught my attention because it was more abstract, in my opinion, than the other sections leading up to it. The idea that the objects that we display, own, or reference in our communication have some reflection back upon us is interesting, and yet disturbing at the same time. I find it difficult enough to keep track of the flow of my message, the audience, engaging the audience, keeping from miscommunicating verbally, nonverbal communication, but now I also need to keep track of how the objects I interact with will also be interpreted? This seems a bit farfetched to my untrained eye. However, I’ll give the book the benefit of the doubt in that there is some relation. After some consideration and reading the section, I felt comfortable that only those who are educated in these object languages, will ever take them into consideration to begin with. Perhaps I should re-read this section at a later date and see if it makes more sense to me then.

Communicating with my Russian Friend.

An experience relating to nonverbal communication and hand gestures led to some interesting conversation one evening. I was invited over to a friend’s house for some evening entertainment, drinks, movies, hanging out chatting. The host of the party was a relatively new addition to my circle of friends, but I was told by one of my best friends that she was super friendly. Unbeknownst to me, the host of the party grew up in Russia until she was a teenager, and then she and her family moved to the United States. So when my best friend and I arrived, we were offered some drinks to which I gave the “thumbs-up” hand gesture. As I was involved in a side conversation I didn’t really notice that the host gave me a quite mean look at the time. The host was uncharacteristically rude and distant towards me for the remainder of the evening so much so that our mutual friend even asked what I might have did. It was at that time that she explained her interpretation of the hand gesture at the beginning of the evening which led much hilarity amongst our friends. We ended the evening talking about the different hand gestures that our two different cultures used to prevent any further miscommunications. I haven’t moved around a lot in this country, but I have travelled on occasion. In my experience, I haven’t had any hand gestures be misinterpreted as differently as the experience with my Russian friend. I think in a country as big as ours, we are often exposed to enough diversity that we tolerate different nonverbal signals.

Non-verbal Messages

Non-verbal messages can be very confusing, especially to those who have never attempted some level of understanding relating to how the conscious or subconscious body language presents itself. If someone who is speaking is aware of their body language, they can be attentive to their own body language to reduce the potential for miscommunication. I personally have been very wrong about the message that someone’s body language is conveying. The person I was communicating with was acting withdrawn, and it was very difficult to get any kind of response from the individual. Their body language was such that I felt that they just needed some personal space, and wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, the person was suffering from a medium case of anaphylactic shock. The person was unable to respond due to their body swelling and their throat constricting. The person got my attention when I stated that I would give them their personal space, so no harm was done. The situation could have gone much worse. People can increase the accuracy that they interpret the nonverbal messages by studying and understanding certain body signals. Does the person have a nervous twitch? Do they just like talking with their hands? Additionally understanding some of the signals, and how they can be different from person to person is also helpful.

Men and Women

I wholeheartedly agree that men and women use language differently. There are so many nuances between the sexes regarding the importance that men place onto the spoken word, while females have a tendency to value the non-verbal communication. I refer to these differences as nuances because I perceive that there is a subtlety to each and every audience or participant. While men tend to value the spoken word, males can also communicate great volumes without speaking a word also. This is my experience from my observations of how my generational males interact. Females on the other hand, tend to value the non-verbal communications slightly higher than they do the verbal. Regardless of whether the females are communicating amongst other females, or with males, an unlearned speaker / listener can oftentimes miscommunicate or misinterpret the meaning to a conversation because they are focusing too heavily on what’s not being said that the spoken word.

Why Listening Sometimes Fails

I found the section on evaluating listening skills of slight amusement but it also struck a personal chord with me. I oftentimes have trouble expressing myself correctly with those closest to me. My fiancé and I have adjusted relatively well to our individual listening and speaking styles, and we are both very patient and understanding. I still think we can improve our communication styles to be better in our thought process before we initiate the conversation, or expand our empathetic understanding of each other so we don’t start an unintended argument. The amusing aspect of this section in the book was when it was describing that Americans are trained to be bad listeners. The book cited examples such as Americans value activity and independence and so our value towards listening is lessened. It was only until the last sentence that the section entertained the thought that the teachers may be reinforcing this bad listening behavior. This was amusing to me as I was wondering if this might be the author’s own bias towards being less critical of oneself and more critical of others.

Judgments and Perceptions

It is within human nature to instantly and on some fundamental and genetic level to judge everything we are exposed to. This harkens back to our evolutionary inheritance of the fight or flight response. Given that perspective, I believe we incapable of not judging on some raw unconscious level. I do believe that we can come to understand our initial reactions and in applying our own experiences and logical thoughts we can control our initial gut reaction. It is through our life experiences, understanding of the world, and appreciation for other people’s thoughts and ideas that we can adjust our initial judgments towards others. Whether these adjustments to our perspective judgments are fair, is purely up to the individual. People in our society who are not following the social norm for how they treat people, or how they react to situations tend to get their behavior altered over time. In short, Society itself has a way of creating this fair and balanced perspective.

Well-Known Speaker

A well-known speaker that resonates within my realm of experience is J.K. Rowling. Mrs. Rowling has nearly unparalleled fortitude and strength of character that she is quite capable of demonstrating through not only her successes but also her failures in her life. Through her Harry Potter series of books, she captured and re-ignited the imagination of thousands of people world-wide. The very boundless impact that her stories had justifies unquestionably to her strength as not only a story-teller, but also as a magician with regards to vision and imagination, but also as an empathetic human of strong moral fiber. Mrs. Rowling also possesses a natural beauty, but this only adds to her already high qualifications as a speaker. Mrs. Rowling has obtained attractiveness and power through her empathy and strength of character, thusly, these areas are that much greater in value than attractiveness or power that is given or bestowed. In my very humble opinion, there is not much more than Mrs. Rowling can do to build her ethos in these areas other than continue on her path of greatness, splendor towards her fellow mankind.

Influential Speakers

A very informational and fundamentally influential speaker that I have had the pleasure to listen to is Sir Ken Robinson. Sir Ken Robinson is renowned as a visionary cultural leader and a creativity expert. Robinson gave a public speech that is available online via Ted.com where he discusses the idea that our educational systems are hindering our children’s creativity. He goes so far as to posit that our educational system is not only hindering, but stifling or even killing our next generation’s creativity before they even begin learning how to become creative. His speech presents very well-reasoned arguments that are undeniable truths inherent with our society’s educational system. When I listened to this speech, I felt both moved by the naked truth presented in his arguments, as well as saddened by this very same revelation. Sir Robinson peppers the listeners with these rough hard truths about how the educational system is failing in their role. After revealing these truths, he does not allow the audience to wallow in this sadness, he tells a joke, or laughs at the apparent idiocy of the situation that, rather than polarizing the audience, actually unifies them in purpose. In contrast, one of the worst speakers I’ve ever heard was a gentleman on the college campus. This gentleman was so vulgar and rough with his words without any consideration of his audience that I can only remember my distaste for him speaking at all.